So, I never discuss this, but he come to me all the time in my dreams.

I miss you

I know I miss you, but remembering each day is unproductive and serves no purpose. I say this to you because I know that you would admonish me if I let myself feel otherwise.
But I miss you Chip. The more that time goes by the easier it is to forget your influence in my life. Sometimes I forget your gone, but... sometimes I forget you were here.
I'm so sorry to say that, but you left just before it got hard... and you left us without you. How am I suppose to raise our kids without your support and love?
I miss you.
Imiss you.
Thank you for being so strong when you knew you had to leave us behind. When you had to count on me to be more than I thought I could; when you had to be strong in order to make me feel strong. Thank you for the gift of confidence you left in me.... but I'm scared.

OMG!!

Wow... I can't wait to to leave all these people who are force fed friendship commitments to me based on our genetics. I can't relate; I don't understand, and I can't forgive the selfish and narcissist emotions that I receive from my daily interactions with them. I have realized that in situation where I share my true hurt or disappointment I just can't win, so best bite your tongue , hide your true emotions and put on a happy face. No one wants to see your side or feel your anguish so instead I up being put in a defensive position for attempting to validate my feelings.... and I always seem to lose.