Friday, November 30, 2012

I want to be happy in life again

I want to know how to be happy I can. It seems like I cannot find passion in anything. I love my children and I want to do what makes them happy, however I know I'm not being the best mother I can. I know that if Chip was still in my life things would be different. We would do things together as a family and I would be obligated to do things as a family however the obligation would fulfill me. As it is now, I don't feel any happiness in myself and that reflects on how I treat my kids and how I am as a mother. How did I lose my passion for life, how did I lose my zeal, and how did I lose my desire to always be better? How can one make themselves a better person when in fact they have no drive to do that beyond the desire to be that? I have the fear that my kids are going to wake up one day when they're adults and say, you know my mother wasn't really that good. That is the most horrible things I can ever imagine leaving my children with. They deserve so much more. But I know that if I am to be a better mother that I need to be happy, and I know that is a certanity.  So how can I be happy so that I can be a better mot

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Wow. I am so frustrated right now. I had someone close to me tell me that my son almost died the same night my husband died because of the stress. When my husband Thought he was going to die he asked me to take my kids out of school and we bought a motor home and left this town and went to all of h favorite places and live life to the fullest. My son never felt stress, he only felt the love that we gave him. We decided we would not live life like but he would die but we would live life like he would live. We gave every moment we have left to happiness believe and hope. When you tell me my son almost died because of stress it as an insult to me and everything my husband and I created and his past days. It was his life's gift to our children to end his life with love and happiness and no stress, so to imply that my son at three years old almost died because he felt stressed is an insult to everything my husband created and gave to our children.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I saw a picture of you today that you would never want to see or have anyone see, and all  could say was...."I'm sorry'', I'm so sorry for what you had to become in your sickness. It is something you would never want anyone to see, but your children saw you that way and didn't even realize the depravity of the moment. You are and were the most intelligent, powerful and strong man I have ever known, but these photos show a different moment. I'm sorry... I'm sorry ... I love you, I miss you.