My dad is dying

I have been in fear my entire life for as long as I can remember that I would lose my father at any moment. I would say it was almost a constant and conscious fixation. I would go to bed and wake up every day afraid that today was the day he was going to die. Now....... he is going to die. And in the moments that I allow myself to wallow.  I can feel the depths of griefs I try so hard to ignore, and know that my misery will come but try my dampest to keep it at bay. With that knowing and at the same time I think I learned so much from the loss of my husband that I am ready to accept the death of my father. I cannot change what is. But from these challenges I have been able to see what I fear is so unavailable to most. I see that we are but a small cog in this wheel of life. I see that we have not the body or make up to understand what is really real. To think we have a intelligence that knows what is in store for us only shows a lack of intelligence. I know for certain one thing...... I know nothing. He is so much more than could even be said or heard. I believe the good are here as souls who knowing chose these lives. Choose the pain of leaving early because the impact they could and would make was worth more than any one long life. In these deaths I choose not to see loss and end and open myself up to the feeling of nothing. I do not see and end. I see a move. Just a move with different realities. I love you daddy. I will be your legacy. I will honor you. You leave this moment we are in covered with the impression you created. See you there.