Taking time to think about him

It's hard to allow myself to stop, and take the moment to remember my Husband. When I do, it can be so easy to fall into despair. Just thinking about what an amazing time we had in his last weeks makes me feel his loss so much more. I don't want to push him aside, and go about my day, pretending I'm accepting him being gone. But, I also can't function if I allow memories to stay in the forefront of daily life. He was such a private, strong, dedicated husband. He was the type who didn't want to talk all the time, which often left me angry and frustrated. However in his last weeks he opened himself to everyone. It was such an incredible gift to leave us with. He gave me such love, and wanted me in his every moment. He was this new and beautiful person, giving me emotions that I had always needed from him. We took our kids out of school, bought a motor home, and traveled to California to visit in his favorite destinations; Disneyland, Sea World and The San Diego Zoo. Then headed to AZ, and beyond. We camped wherever we landed. He made sure that he visited each of his 10 sisters, and left them with his love, hopes, and blessings for their futures. On Tuesday he began to lose himself, and I saw the end of our life creeping up way too fast. I just wanted the summer. His best friend flew to AZ, and drove us home, nonstop, with no sleep. He was barely there, I was losing my husband. We arrived home midnight on Wednesday, and he was gone Saturday morning, surrounded by his children, Father and sisters. We gave him love, and released from this world, letting him know he could go. The hardest part was when my 8 year old daughter gave him her acceptance to leave us. She had been begging him to wake up and see her one more time. He gave everything he had to us on our trip, and told me it was the best time he had had in his life. I was so lucky to have those last memories and his complete Love. He was so strong.