My Thoughts

With the passing of my husband last May, I was left with indescribable loss, more than I could ever imagine. We knew our time together was going to end, so in a way were dealing with the grief that would come; it was painful and heartbreaking. I could not begin to understand how much more pain would come with his actual passing. Losing not only your future, but that of your children. They lose a gift that they will never have the chance to know. How will the void change them? I can never know, because I had my father, but to just speculate, my god...what a devastating loss. I knew that just one half of me would be there to support and guide our children; compiled with the grief and loss, it is more than I ever would have imagined. The profound loss of a husband, my children’s Father, and friend seemed to be more than I could bear; however just now I seem to be emerging from this self imposed emptiness’ I have exiled myself into. I can make it beyond this trial, however it creates a most difficult adjustment is the judgments, opinions, and are my friends and family, who can't seem to accept the my new self, and the new person I have discover, become. But the most amazing part of it all is how I have discovered a new perspective; a new strength; and a certain awareness of my reality. I will never be the same, I have lost half of me, however in a last gift, he was able to leave me contentment and security I never knew was inside of me. I have grown. I have felt strength.