Isolation and changes

I don't have many acquaintances outside of my enormous family and lifelong friends. I am a stay at home mom, so it is rare I get to meet new people, so I have not yet felt the entire scope of reactions you get as a widow. Sometimes I tell people because I feel like it is the way I explain myself, as if that is what defines who I am. In truth, at this time it does seem to define me...just because I know that I have developed a new outlook on life, and in the relationships I make. I use to care about everything...things would effect me, and I would react. Now, I don't care. Is this really bad? I actually like the fact that I am not bothered by anything, anyone, or any situation. To my friends; partly in humor, but truthfully in fact, I have coined a new phrase/mantra- Don't Ask, Don't Care, Don't tell. My friends say they miss the old feisty part of me... But it feels so much better to remain unaffected by life. No one knows how it feels to have your entire future demolished, to know your children will never have all that life and God intended for them. I have lost have of my identity; because as you know when you commit yourself to marriage, you promise to join your lives... you become one. How can you stay the same? How can they think you will "bounce back"? It's insulting and demeaning. I will not waste my energy trying to defend why I lay in bed most of the day, or why I won't answer my phone for days at a time. To infer this is my choice to be altered, only makes me distance myself further. I believe in myself and refuse to let others instruct me how to be happy, especially when their opinions come from pure speculation on a loss that they can never understand. Sorry...I guess I do still have feelings, but these are the ones I will not voice.